I admit

Motherhood has not come naturally to me. Five years ago when I had Ian, I had all these ideas about how I should feel and act. Some of which had been “helpful friends and family” telling me how I should feel.

I know some women say that they loved their baby the moment it was placed in their arms. How is it that we are supposed to have immediate relationships with our babies, it isn’t expected in other facet of life. I will admit, I cared for my boys from the moment they were born but this all encompassing love woman speak of took about three months. I imagine raging PPD and PPS didn’t help.

Why do I bring this up? Tonight in church, I had just Ollie and he was being a typical 3 year old. In my head though I kept thinking why won’t he be quiet and sit. Look at the families around me. What am I doing wrong? And then I turn it inward and think why don’t have the patience to handle this calmly and with grace. I just wanted to take him and leave, I didn’t we stayed till the end but it pushed both of us almost to our breaking point.

When will I feel like I am enough?

No Martha Stewart

I struggle to keep my home up, the daily weight of making my home presentable overwhelms me. And when I am overwhelmed I hide, ignore, etc. Which isn’t a healthy thing to do. I know my children prefer a clean home, I do also. Why is it I struggle to get there?

I will admit my toughest struggle is laundry and the dishes. I know why dishes is such a struggle, the gross me out. Seriously I can change a poop diaper with no issues but as soon as I start the dishes I am gagging. This are rinsed and not even gross dishes. What is wrong with me?

Laundry, always sneaks up on me. I can keep up with the wash. The task of folding is what brings me to a screeching halt. I have trouble even settling enough to fold laundry. If I manage to fold it, getting it to the right place also seems to to be a struggle.

What are your struggles in your home? How do you tackle them. Help a women out, I am at my wits end.

Kim’s post today really hit home if you couldn’t tell.

Fall is here

It is time for the leaves to change. Which means the holidays are right around the corner? What are you doing to prepare? With the help of Ian and Ollie, I got the fall decor out the other day. Ian can not wait for halloween this year, he has so many ideas on what he wants to be. I am not sure how we could even possibly make some of them happen. Ollie on the other hand is like I want candy.

We finally have answers why I feel like death most days. With some blood work we know that I am deficient in B12 and Iron. I started B12 shots and iron supplements. Any other tips or tricks?

The Secret is out.

I am converting to Catholicism, I have mentioned it on twitter in passing but that is about it. I am going through the RCIA process right now. This wasn’t a decision that was taken lightly. I hope that my family will come to understand that this is what is right for me.

For my readers that are catholic, who is your patron saint and what led you to choose that saint?