Random Crap I am thinking right now.
- This time of year is tough for me, the time change and I do not get along. The first two weeks after the time change it was like the worst case of jet lag ever, it didn’t help that the boys were up by 5:15 at the latest.
- In light of recent medication changes, I have given up even an occasional glass of wine. When all I really want is a stiff drink right meow.
- Ian has no school at all next week, it is gonna be a looong week.
- Casey has duty on Thanksgiving, he had it on Christmas last year. I have an unpopular opinion I will keep to myself.
- I am nervous to go to my sister in law’s with just me and the boys.
- I threw everything from the living room into mine Casey’s bedroom this morning before company came over, now I am writing this blog post instead of cleaning.
- I am trying to get out of my blogging funk. After ten years, I am thinking of shutting it all down.
- We had out Christmas tree up but Ian couldn’t leave it alone and knocked it over, so we took it down and it won’t go back up. We will have our little Texas A&M themed tree and that is it.
- This is the first year we have had any issue with the boys messing with the tree and they are 3 & 5, what gives.
- I am really loving Nick Jonas’s new album.
- I am nervous and don’t really understand what to do with Advent this year.
- I thought I knew who I was going to pick for my patron saint but I am feeling drawn other wise.
That is all the random junk on my mind now. Hopefully there will be more to come.
But the YEARS are short.
I used to hate that phrase, I thought it was so condescending. Recently it dawned on me how true it is. That those moments where I am overwhelmed by the fact that Ollie needs to snuggle before bed (more like boss mama around for an hour) those moments won’t last forever. There will be a time where he doesn’t want to love on mama or even talk to mama. I am already seeing this change happen in Ian, it makes me a little sad though I know I want him to grow into an independent young man.
My biggest problem is with myself, how do I handle those “long moments”, there is a lot at the moment. Who ever said two was terrible didn’t have a three year old . How do you handle yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed and mothered out?
Motherhood has not come naturally to me. Five years ago when I had Ian, I had all these ideas about how I should feel and act. Some of which had been “helpful friends and family” telling me how I should feel.
I know some women say that they loved their baby the moment it was placed in their arms. How is it that we are supposed to have immediate relationships with our babies, it isn’t expected in other facet of life. I will admit, I cared for my boys from the moment they were born but this all encompassing love woman speak of took about three months. I imagine raging PPD and PPS didn’t help.
Why do I bring this up? Tonight in church, I had just Ollie and he was being a typical 3 year old. In my head though I kept thinking why won’t he be quiet and sit. Look at the families around me. What am I doing wrong? And then I turn it inward and think why don’t have the patience to handle this calmly and with grace. I just wanted to take him and leave, I didn’t we stayed till the end but it pushed both of us almost to our breaking point.
When will I feel like I am enough?
I struggle to keep my home up, the daily weight of making my home presentable overwhelms me. And when I am overwhelmed I hide, ignore, etc. Which isn’t a healthy thing to do. I know my children prefer a clean home, I do also. Why is it I struggle to get there?
I will admit my toughest struggle is laundry and the dishes. I know why dishes is such a struggle, the gross me out. Seriously I can change a poop diaper with no issues but as soon as I start the dishes I am gagging. This are rinsed and not even gross dishes. What is wrong with me?
Laundry, always sneaks up on me. I can keep up with the wash. The task of folding is what brings me to a screeching halt. I have trouble even settling enough to fold laundry. If I manage to fold it, getting it to the right place also seems to to be a struggle.
What are your struggles in your home? How do you tackle them. Help a women out, I am at my wits end.
Kim’s post today really hit home if you couldn’t tell.